Life

Dressing Room Drama

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The last time I went shopping with my husband I cried in the dressing room because I had to go back to Plus sizes after being a size 14 for many years. It was heartbreaking and I felt like a failure.

I think that may have been the last time I tried on clothes as I resumed shopping plus sizes from Old Navy online.

Fast forward 2 years. Today, I went to the Gap for their Friends & Family 50% sale (code FFSALE if you are interest, through tomorrow).

I don’t know what kind of clothes I should wear. The don’t know how to shop. The whole thing stresses me out.

I picked up a couple of size S sweaters, waiting for some salesperson to give me the evil eye, then picked up a few pairs of size 10 pants. Anxiously in the dressing room, those pants just went right on. No crying at all!

Again, the sizes are a trip. I can wear anything across multiple sizes depending on who makes them. The LOFT makes me feel good with their vanity sizing.

Today, I felt like a normal person.

I asked Mike if I look like a normal sized person and he rolled his eyes and said “yes baby.”  Seriously. It’s a trip.

Now I have 3 pairs of pants I can wear to work without them falling down. Progress.

“It’s too much…it’s not good…”

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So, I’m in the break room at work and this woman walks in and says just that to me. She said I am losing weight too fast and it doesn’t look good. I told her that it’s between me and my doctor, which she should have interpreted as it’s a medical issue so mind your own damn business, but no…she kept at it. And then she said she doesn’t understand how I am doing it because she is doing diet and exercise and it doesn’t work. I ended up telling her I had gastric bypass and am under the care of a doctor but I appreciated her concern. She shut up. 

I have to say most people have told me how great I look and how happy I look. Which is how I like to project myself even when I am not having a good day. 

I have told some of my closer work friends and most of my family but not all. I assume that people will tell other people but I have found that people are pretty good about keeping medical information private. It surprises me really, but we deal with a lot of confidential information at work, so perhaps that’s why. 

When I first decided to have the surgery, I was embarrassed and concerned about what people would think. I’ve found that as I get closer to my goal, I am way more open. I don’t care what people think. I have yet to have anyone say I took the easy way out, but I have a good comeback for that one. 

Goals and Gadgets

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Apple Watch Nike Plus model
Gadgetry for Geeks

I struggle with coming up with the right rewards for the right goals. Now that I am almost two-thirds of the way to my goal, I decided to increase the stakes. 

I already have an Apple Watch but it’s the first version. Now that Apple has launched this new model, I’ve declared this to be my final goal reward. I’m a data nerd and the Apple Watch has been an important tool for my journey, between timers, tracking workouts, the activity app and other features, it only makes sense to upgrade as part of my upgrade. Extravagant? I’m worth it. 

“Support” Group 

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Before my surgery, I had to sign an agreement to go to the monthly support group meeting for a minimum of 6 months. I had every intention of checking it out before my surgery, but for whatever reason didn’t make it. 

My first time at support group was about 16 days after my surgery. I was leaving my house in actual clothes for the first time since my surgery follow up. 

The group was so unbelievably negative. One lady said to me “you don’t even look like you needed the surgery.” The last people I expected to judge were baritric patients. I remember this other lady walking in and talking about hot guys at her gym. I didn’t make it to the next two sessions…wonder why. 

The October meeting was different. I received an email, in advance, about the meeting and there was going to be a new therapist facilitating. I decided I would give it another go. Aside from the fact that it took me 90 minutes to drive there due to an accident and 5PM traffic, I made it. The meeting had already started when I got there and I guess they were doing introductions. There were two women who hadn’t had their surgeries yet so they were looking to hear about the experiences of the “veterans.”  This was hilarious. 

There was a guy, who I will call Mr. Lapband, who interrupted to throw in his completely unsolicited 2 cents providing horribly wrong information and the facilitator let this go on a while. My favorite input from him was about how he eats to much and throws up all the time but got used to it and it doesn’t taste bad. OMG — what kind of advice is that?  Then comes the woman who had gastric bypass and discovered she doesn’t get dumping syndrome while trying Halloween candy. Why would you do that???  

What’s my point? There are a lot of options for support in the bariatric community, including Facebook Groups where everyone is an expert ::sarcasm::  

You have to figure out where you need support and seek it there. I wouldn’t seek medical advice from anyone in these groups although it is interesting to see what other people are experiencing. And to hear how people who have been successful at maintenance have managed their lifestyle. 

Now I am curious. In November I am going back for more! 

Running out of clothes

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Back in 2009 when this story started at size 22, as I lost my weight, I was able to “shop” in our spare bedroom going through all the clothes that no longer fit me as I gained weight over the years. In 2001, I was a size 14. As I gained, I put my clothes away for the day I lost weight.

Needless to say, I had a lot to choose from as I lost weight. I was able to get into a size 12 by 2010, but over the next 5 years, I hovered in the size 14 range. I always knew when my pants got too tight, it was time for action.
Fast forward to my surgery date, I was pretty must well into size 16 before my surgery, and even that stuff was tight. So on my way down, I had the bulk of my wardrobe to choose from in the 14 range.

I am 106 days out from my surgery and pretty much everything from size 14 has been bagged and donated, my size 12 stuff is too big and that leaves me with 3 pairs of pants. I am so reluctant to spend any money on clothes because I seem to be going down a size every month. So…if you see me walking around in baggy clothes, you will know why.

I discovered a consignment shop in Woodland where I think I will shop every now and then to get a few things to tide me over. It’s a lot to wrap my head around. I get to shop in the front of the store where the small and medium stuff is instead of all the way in the back where the big girl clothes are. Seriously, it’s a crazy mental game and it’s tough. Again, no one can tell me I took the easy way out.

Bored!

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I am so bored with my food choices right now. Since my serving size is a whopping 1/4 cup (that’s 4 tablespoons!), it’s hard to make exotic culinary delights for every meal.  And I end up with leftovers that are impossible to finish.

I can’t even eat a whole container of yogurt without having left overs.

Since my little setback surgery, my tiny tummy has been angry and bitter with me. I’ve gone back to the basics. Yogurt, cottage cheese — smooshy foods.

Need to revisit my Pinterest page to find some good recipes to spice stuff up.

I have a cabinet full of protein powder and I am bored with that too. I actually went to the evil empire of Walmart (the neighborhood grocery version) to get some Premiere Protein drinks to try.  They are technically on my doctor’s list of acceptable protein, but they don’t have whey isolate, they are whey concentrate.  So many rules!  Just thought I would mix it up for a week or so, because boredom leads to all kinds of bad habits!

A friend suggested that I have Adam Levine deliver my food to spice it up.  If only…

Some serious scratch

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Anyone want to guess what my little adventure cost me a few weeks ago?

Surgery and hospital stay was $31K — all covered by insurance.

Ambulance $4,114 — none of it covered by insurance, unless the ambulance company provides them with my patient transfer report.  They better do that.  Sounds like I need to give my insurance company a call.  Should be covered from one hospital to another, especially since I was all doped up on morphine at the time.

Ugh.

Goodbye Grumpy

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This is my Grumpy tank that has served as my sleepy-time garb for many a hot night over the past 15 years.  Bought this at Disney World when my little brother got married.  I love this shirt, but you know…it just doesn’t stay on. So it’s time to say goodbye to Grumpy. Maybe it will serve someone else just as well for another 15 years. Into the donate pile you go.