The waiting is the hardest part

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Tomorrow is my consult with the urologic oncologist at UC San Francisco. I found out on June 6 I have kidney cancer, on June 7 that I was being referred to UCSF, and on June 19 that the appointment would be tomorrow. Waiting almost 3 weeks knowing you have an evil entity inside you is not fun. I’ve spent way too much time being angry about the wait, and even worse, looking up stuff on Google.

The good part of that is there is a lot of information, and much of it comes from authoritative sources. The bad part is I have some unique things in my health history that I have questions about and I’m just not going to find the answers online.

For example, the post-nephrectomy diet seems to be in direct conflict with the post-gastric bypass diet.  I have a consult with the UCSF nutritionist on 7/7, so I am sure I will get my questions answered, but am hoping I don’t have to do a lot to reconcile the differences with the nutritionist in my surgeon’s office. Some of the recommendations I have seen are really similar to the renal diet my dad was on with his dialysis. The irony of it all! It leaves me wondering what I can eat if I can’t have most of the things that are currently staples in my diet. Again…I just have to wait.

In the meantime, I have been making a move towards a more plant-based diet. I’d say 85% plant based.  Most nutrition recommendations I have seen lean towards an inflammatory diet, which is probably what all of us should be eating anyways. I’m sticking with my bariatric protein and following my doctor’s nutrition program.

My appetite has pretty much sucked but I have been eating enough to maintain at the low end of my goal range.  I lost 4 pounds that first week I found out, but that seems to have leveled off.

I worked from home all of last week, mostly due to the heat, and partially due to pain in my side which is either completely psychosomatic, a muscle strain, or stress.  I don’t know if my tumor is big enough to cause pain, but I guess I will find out that too.  I think the heat may have had something to do with it too.  I also took the week off of Kaia, as it just hurt too much.  My body was telling me to rest (which I did with plenty of naps!).

My plan is to get the whole story tomorrow, and then go from there.  My guess is it will take me some time to get scheduled for surgery, so I plan to go back to work to try to be a productive member of society and save my leave time.

I feel like today will be a long day but I am filling it with lovely things like laundry, journaling, meditation and some movement. And gratitude. I am so grateful to my friends and family who have been checking in and offering prayers and help.

Updates to follow…

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