Marilyn, Unraveled

…but it’s time for me to say something.

This whole post will surely be one doozy of a HIPAA violation — although technically I’m divulging my own information, so maybe that’s not really true.

My emotions about this surgery run rampant. Maybe it’s the hormones.  Well, that’s a good place to start.

I alluded to medical issues in an earlier post. I have a number of conditions that create the perfect storm of hormonal wackiness. I’ve had a pituitary tumor since 2003 (managed medically).  I have a low functioning thyroid. I have a bunch of girl issues that sometimes throw things out of whack. Since my dad died I have been struggling with pretty severe depression and anxiety. And stress. I’ve had a lot of personal and work stress. All of these things together not only require medications that have their own side effects, but they also create some hormonal imbalances that may impact my ability to lose and maintain weight.

My metabolism is sluggish.  Some people may say it’s very efficient, since my body tends to store everything I eat for the zombie apocalypse. And math? My body doesn’t know math.  You know, that formula calories in must be less than calories out? Well that one doesn’t work for me.  The math just doesn’t add up. I ran half marathons and trained daily and continued to gain weight, even with severely limited calories.  Before surgery, I actually lost weight more easily without exercise, or with very moderate exercise.

In anticipating all the reactions people will have when I come clean about this surgery, I feel like I need to justify why I didn’t just do it the hard way with diet and exercise.  Why I took the easy way out. My response — there’s nothing easy about it. My justification? Several physicians and my surgeon determined and documented medical necessity. That should be enough. So far everyone I have told has been very supportive. There will be no negativity allowed.

I wrote this post over the course of 4 days.  I hope it makes sense.